I remember sitting next to my mother’s hospital bed during the days just before she died. She was not conscious, to the best of my knowledge. Her eyes were open, but they were glassy, with no expression in them.
Still, there was an effort there. Or that is what I thought. An effort to see. To hold on.
I tried to imagine how she felt during those last seconds on earth. Trying to see. Trying to be just one more second with someone you love. In this case, me.
What would she have given for just one more second to see me, to hold onto me? Just one more second.
I found myself wondering: If I were dying, what would I give to hold onto life and see the people I love next to me – for just one more second??
Whom would I want next to my bed in the last seconds of my life? And whom would I ask to leave, to not waste my last seconds on earth, to free space for the people I love?
And then I wondered: Why do I have to wait until I’m dying to free my life from those I do not love or do not love me?
After all, I am dying already: If life is a fixed number of breaths, then for every breath I take there is one less in my future. So why wait until my last breaths to surround myself only with those I love and who love me? Why am I wasting my life trying to make relationships work when there is no love?
I realize that almost all I do, including writing this blog, is for love. If I did not love writing, why would I do it? For fame, for potential money? That would be wasting my life, would it not?
All my consulting work is for love. If I did not love helping organizations, why would I do it?
I am a good speaker. You know why? Because I honestly and truly love my audience. Someone once told me that when I lecture it feels as if I am making love to the audience. Hmmmm …
But not everything in my life is done for love. Some of what I do is to earn a living. A lot of it is to accommodate. To appease. To avoid pain. To make others happy even though it does not make me happy.
I have to remind myself of my mother’s hospital room. Would she have spent her last seconds of life trying to accommodate someone, or would she spend those last seconds loving?
I have to review whom I spend time with. Whom I dedicate my time to. What I am doing and why.
I just gave a keynote presentation to over 5,000 MDs who specialize in “anti-aging” – prolonging healthy life. The message I gave them is that love prolongs life. Look at people who are in love. They look radiant, young – while people who hate look old.
My mother died when I left her bed and went to get something to eat. I have asked a lot of people whose loved ones died in a hospital whether there was anyone in the room when they died. And invariably I have heard that death occurred when there was no one in the room.
Yes. Of course. Because love prolongs life.
How much love is there in your life? Whom would you want next to your bed when you are breathing your last breaths?
Whom would you not want? Why don’t you get rid of them now?
I have noticed that companies that are successful have lots of love in them: They love their clients; management loves their employees and vice versa; the organization loves the community it is in and takes care of that community.
Loves prolongs not only our lives but the lives of the organizations we work in or with, the lives of the communities we live in, and the countries we belong to.
I like Mahatma Gandhi’s philosophy:
“Live as if you will die tomorrow.
Learn as if you will live forever.”
Sincerely,
Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes
I thank you for your contribution. It moved me to tears.
I am putting it on my pc desktop to read daily: without love all achievements are empty…
As a survivor of the holocaust seeing as a child all my loved ones be taken to die Love is very difficult to me… My struggle to bring it onto my life. Thank you. You helped me a lot
Adizes
I thank you for your contribution. It moved me to tears.
I am putting it on my pc desktop to read daily: without love all achievements are empty…
As a survivor of the holocaust seeing as a child all my loved ones be taken to die Love is very difficult to me… My struggle to bring it onto my life. Thank you. You helped me a lot
Adizes
Very deep article. My ma has too died, when I on minute fell asleep near her beds from weariness. In that period I was ready to die together with her. And afterwards during several months I did not think anything about except the deaths.
But I seem that talking about love hide the desire to separate with someone awe of the deaths.
But, it is necessary to take, that in such events as birth and death every of the person is alone. He is alone in private with eternity (the God).
That is why it is important to prepare himself to that event.
Dear Ichak
I have not expect you have these point of view really, despite of reading and teaching your book and methodology.
I’m so happy now that be familiar with yours.
Regards
Ali
Predivan clanak koji me je zatekao u Bukurestu u citanju knjige SIDARTA i razmisljanju o zivotu i onda mi dolazi na moj e-meil ovo vase razmisljanje puno istine i zivotnog smisla.Vi ste nasli svoj put i smisao i dosli do ovih spoznaja o zivotu ali je puno barijera i teskih odluka sigurno bilo na tom putu.Imam mnogo pitanja na ovu temu ali nebih zeleo da budem suvisan samo zelim da ucim a vi ste jedan od kojih stalno ucim.Zasto shvatamo koliko nekoga volimo onda kada ga izgubimo ili kada odlazi zauvek iz naseg zivota.Kako da se postavimo kada mi nekoga volimo a on nas ne ili kada neko nas voli a mi njega ne ili to u tom trenutku ne osecamo.Sta da radimo ako nas roditelji nisu naucili da sebe volimo(u dobrom smislu ne egoisticnom ili narcisoidnom]A onda kako da volimo drugog?Kako da se postavimop ako se danas ljubav gleda na osnovu rezultata i obezbedjivanja materialnih dobara?Kako da se postavimo kada se ljubavi sukobe prema porodici-narodu-sebi?Kako da dam onima koje volim sebe i podelim sa njima ono sto znam ako oni to ne zele jer ne zele da napreduju u svom zivotu i onda napadaju da se nebi morali menjati?KAKO DA JA BUDEM BOLJI COVEK I DA POMOGNEM SEBI A DA NE POVREDIM ONE KOJE VOLIM JER ONI NE MOGU DA TO PRIHVATE JER IMAJU DRUGU PERCEPCIJU NA STVARI. Zahvaljujem vam se jos jednom na ovom predivnom clanku koji mi je dao vaznu temu za razmisljanje a i posto i ja znam veoma dobro da pricam prenecu ga mnogim ljudima sa kojima se budem sretao a svako neka odluci kako on zeli da to razume.Zelim vam prijatan dan i mnogo ljubavi i snage u zivotu da nam donesete jos mnogo dobrih Ideja i misli koje ce nam pomoci da budemo bolji ljudi i da znamo kako da se ponasamo u ovom svetu gde smo sveukupno SAMO GOSTI ZA JEDAN KRATAK PERIOD.S postovanjem vas Damir Malkovich
Thank you Ichak for sharing a profound insight.
Life is probably about a multitude of “objectives”, from the most fundamental “to keep staying alive” and “replicate” to the more spiritual motives. However, the common denominator – or driving force – is Love. I believe everyone who lost a “beloved” family member or friend has reflected over “what is life about”.
My father was not always an easy man to be around. He could be tough, direct and impatient. He was however never unreasonable, inconsiderate or unfriendly. He used to say; never waist time on people who will waist your time. At my fathers funeral I got a very simple but for me a very powerful insight; everyone that talked about my father – colleagues, business partners, friends, family – did it with joy, respect and love. And I knew we were all honest about it, and I knew we did it without any reservations!
To me that has become “what life is about”; when we are no longer here, people who were a part of your life, will talk about you with sincere joy, respect and love. Because if they do, it is the manifestation that you have surrounded yourself with people worthy of your love and respect, and that you, for the short while you were here, behaved in a way that left them with that memory.
listen to the song,
this is the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duzrz_0M4A8&feature=related
Thanks, one needs to keep getting those reminders of whats important! Had such an experience last week.
Ichak,
We have “analyzed” love before. We agreed that love is a decision while falling in love is a feeling. “What is life about” is a synthesis of decisions and feelings. In your own words it “moves you to tears” at the same time that you logically determine that “Loves prolongs not only our lives but the lives of the organizations we work in or with, the lives of the communities we live in, and the countries we belong to.”
This brings to the forefront the balance and reciprocity between cause and result. How often a cause based on a feeling results in a decision and vice versa.
Yehoram
The article is very moving, My eyes are filled with tears as I think about love which is the the engine of life, its essence, its reason and its fun and how all this love can’t be taking for granted. Life can carry us to various roads and force us to face different challenges- on the personal, professional and national levels- and ocassionally opens wounds.
Till what degree can we do things that we love and in which areas do we need to compromise
Is comromising for or against love?
In the last moments of my father’s life I had the priviliged to stand next to his bed while his good loving eyes were still looking at me. There is no doubt that death or another founding event make us ponder about one’s choices in life, and the people we choose to let into our hearts and the words we use to express ourselves, with how much integrity do we behave, with how much respect and love.
Thank you for your words,
Tamar
המאמר מאד מרגש, גם אני כותבת בדמעות וחושבת על האהבה שהיא החלק המניע בחיים, שהיא המהות והלמה והכיף, וכמה כל האהבה הזאת היא לא מובנת מאליה והחיים יכולים לסחוף אותנו לנתיבים רבים ושונים, להעמיד אותנו במבחנים אישיים, מקצועיים, לאומיים ולעתים- להצליח לפתוח פצעים.
עד כמה אנחנו יכולים לעשות דברים שאנו אוהבים ועד כמה ובאילה תחומים אנו צריכים להתפשר. האם להתפשר משמעותו אהבה או ויתור עליה?
ברגעיו האחרונים של אבי הייתה לי הזכות להיות ליד מיטתו כאשר רק כמה זמן מה לפני כן עיניו הטובות הביטו בי. אין ספק שמוות או אירוע מכונן אחר גורם לנו לחשוב בצורה אחרת על החיים והבחירות. וכמה נכון לראות אילה אנשים אנחנו בוחרים להכניס לחיינו, כמו גם באיזה מילים אנחנו בוחרים, כמה אנחנו מתנהלים ביושר, בכבוד ומתוך מניע האהבה.
תודה על המילים, המחשבות, המאמר
תמר
Dr. Adizes,
Brilliant video!
Pls give me your mail id..sorry to intrude on blog space.. could not find your contact details anywhere..
I would like to share with you some interesting possibilities for India geography.. am a freelancer who is on a sabbatical (www.isabsodcp.org)..
Applied your model to a start up and received a stunning testimonial from the Client..
Really excited to see you live on video!!
With Gratitude,
Ganges
My email is ichak@adizes.com
Glad you liked my video
Check them all http://www.adizes. Com
The depth and beauty of the article is reflected in comments already made. The only addition I would make is to reflect on the highest form of love; what the ancient Greeks termed “agape” which is the form of love that seeks the other persons highest good even at personal expense. (As opposed to eros – romantic love or phileo – brotherly love) This may call for encouragement, touch, confrontation or even separation in some cases. Given this, I would respectfully add that we give the appropriate amount of time to each person we meet to act in their best interest. This is indeed how we can magnify the power of love in treating all men as our neighbors and even loving our enemies. I understand this is an ideal but I hope you find it as worthy a life goal as I have.
Thank you again Doctor for the blessing of an inspiring and true word.
Tg
the article is great. I had similar expierience and my perception of love is the same. I love you, Doctor Adizes! With Gratitude,Irina
[...] 149) Just Love Apr 24, 2010 » No Comments Here is a blog from Dr. Ichak Adizes, I wrote about Dr Adizes on on Day 128. If you ever heard of the Trust Towel , it was at [...]
Thanks for this meaningful perspective.I have always believed that love is the only answer. We all have an abundance of it we just need to use it in all the areas of our live and in our world. I know that it is the glue of the human condition as it holds together everything, even the body to the earth! May your mother and all our loved ones rest in peace knowing we are thinking of them with love.
A truly moving article with an inspiring message.
To Damir: Posebno mi se dopao Vas komentar. Narocito zbog toga sto sam megju Vasim pitanjima prepoznala toliko mojih, na koje, na zalost jos uvek trazim odgovore. Nadam se da cemo ih jednog dana naci. Zelim Vam svako dobro.
The article was a great comfort for me,especially today that my mother, 93 years old ,who lived at RESTION ,the only Jewish Centre for elderly care in Athens although she is not a Jewish,moved to the hospital.
Thank you. As one who lost his mother, then daughter, then father, all within a 24-month period, I think about death and dying every day. I choose to learn from death. I know waht you mean about deciding who you are going to spend your time with. I suffer fools less readily today. At the age of 59, I also know how little time I have left on earth. I must live in love each day.
LOVE IS MAGIC
Dear beautifull hard,
dear beautiful mind.
we never walk alone. These who we love will never die. These who we will love we will meet again.
Where did they went to? Just close your eyes focus your mind on them and look into their smiling faces.
Warmest Regards
Joachim
I agree with you that the most important thing in our life is Love. I was in one Business FBN Summit in Amsterdam, where were alot of powerful (500)multinational companies.On that Summit i was the youngest member(22). So in one of the meetings all members were asked: In our days what is the most important thing in business and refering to our every day life? Most of the answers were regarding economy and regarding business. My answer was: The most important thing in life is to do everything with love starting with the smallest steps (simple things)and finishing with big ones(serious responsebility,efforts,achievements), if people will have this kind of opinion than they will catch pozitive way of life and from pozitive way of life there is a result. Result today is the most important. Love-Positive Life-Result. My answer was in the TOP3. So i am always keeping to this example.
Do you ever get lost wondering what her last words would have been if you’d been there when she died? And do the lines between appeasing and loving ever get blurred for you? Doesn’t staying open sometimes require that we appease to create a safe space for someone else that we “love” to express themselves?
I spent three months next to my dad while he was in an induced coma hoping that if I loved him hard enough he’d open his eyes and be able to say something profound to me before he died – he never did. I still wonder and feel short-changed.
Hi HI First time hopped here on your site, founde on Google. Thank you for your response. I really appreciate the advice you have given me. It will help us through our journey together. Hope you and yours have a happy Valentines.